


Yours

by Yoshishisha



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Epistolary, Multi, Or not, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16162019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshishisha/pseuds/Yoshishisha
Summary: A love letter from the former James Buchanan Barnes





	Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for someone who wanted a love letter from their favourite character over on tumblr. You know the kind of post. The letter was addressed to the reader but I guess it could also be a canon character, so read it as you wish!

16-avr-2016

I am incomplete. Not entirely human, yet still enough to realise the fact that some piece of myself is missing.

I used to be good. Not angelic nor flawless, but my heart was in the right place. I do not know if it still is.

I have been told I used to be incredibly suave. Had you known me then, I have no doubt you would have willingly fallen within my arms, eager to know what else I might have been hiding behind that devilish smile of mine. I am not that man. I do not know how to be suave, or easygoing, or flirty anymore. And if I had not been told so, I wouldn't even remember this was someone I used to be.

The sky was blue the first time I met you. It was raining, and I did not seek to protect myself from it, for it felt like it was washing away my sins, washing my soul. It was at moments like those that I felt the loss more keenly, when I realised that I would not be with my brothers in arms after I died, but under, with fire and brimstones. Steve kept telling me I was wrong, that what I did wasn’t my fault, but I never quite entirely believed him. He is extremely biased, as far as I’m concerned.

But you changed that. You found me standing in the rain, and approached me even though you probably knew who I was, what I’d done. You didn’t let me protest as you pulled my unresponsive body into warmth and sat me down. You didn’t talk as you made me a warm cup of chocolate. You let me acclimatize to my surroundings as you set it in front of me, filled to the brim with marshmallows. It was only when I wrapped a hand around it that you spoke. You talked about everything and nothing, and I don’t even remember what you said, because I let my thoughts be carried away by the sound of your voice.

It was the first time you helped me escape, but it was certainly not the last. I won’t apologize for following you home those first few days. I won’t apologize for surprising you with bags of marshmallows and chocolate on your front door. I won’t apologize for savoring the brightness of your smile as you discovered my presents in the morning. I can’t.

You changed me for the better. You made me want to be a better man, and you still do. You make me want to smile; you make that cloud of guilt disappear for a while, you make it more bearable when you don’t quite manage to make it go. You make me feel grateful for being alive.

I love you. Those three words somehow don't feel enough to express the depth of the emotion I feel for you. I don't remember what love felt like before, but I do know it is what I feel for you. I love you more than I do myself, I love you in a way entirely different than I do Steve, and I would kill to ensure your happiness. You might not know me, but you saved me. Saved me from the dark recesses of my mind, where I used to wander night and day.

I love you. I know I haven’t said it aloud yet, but please believe me when I write that I do. You are beautiful, and wonderful, and the only reason why I’m eager to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. I don’t need to see you all the time, but I want to. I know I could survive without you, but I desperately do not want to have to. I want to remain by your side for as long as you’ll let me, forever if I can.

I love you. I try, and hope to be worthy of the love and acceptance you seem to be giving me someday. I want to be better. For you, for me, for the both of us. I love you.

And I only hope you can find it in yourself to love me back.

~~The Winter Soldier~~

~~James Buchanan Barnes~~

Yours. For as long as you’ll have me


End file.
